My mother was diganosed with a bipolar disease over 12 years ago, when I was in the 6th grade. She lost her job and refuses to admit she has a problem, and therefore will not take her pills. Since then it has obviously spiraled into something much, MUCH worse and out of contol. She has not held a steady job since then, sold the house, wasted the money from that, completely severed a LOT of her friendships and relationships with family members and has now forced my poor grandmother to have to foreclose on her house and now they both (she moved in with her after not being able to afford rent in an apartment) are facing eviction. My mother and grandmother get in too many fights (most of which are caused from my mother’s illness) and my sister and I don’t want them living together. I don’t know what to do to convince her she needs help to get better, find a job, and make it on her own. Please HELP!!!!!!!!!
Sell House Quick
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
There is no way to convince someone that they have a problem if they don’t think they do. Your mother is an adult and so is your grandmother so any problems they incur is their own problem with not much you can do. Your grandmother should not be letting your mother live with her if it is making her lose her house but then that is your grandmothers problem not yours.
Unfortunately, this is typical of ones with Bipolar Disorder. They do not like to admit they have a problem & a lot of times WILL NOT take their meds, because they feel as if it brings them “down”. Which is exactly what it does, levels out their manic stages.
If you were full of energy, even if negativity came out, but you felt good, you would not want a pill that made that go away, for the most part, right?
That is my experience with an ex who has it, a brother who has it & my daughter who now has it… meds are a huge issue & the grown men don’t want to take it, because they weren’t diagnosed until they were adults, then it is too late, practically! My daughter has hope, because we caught it early & can help her to train her mind in realistic & unrealistic thinking, while she is young.
I really feel for you. It is very difficult.
Contact your doctor as soon as possible, he will refer you through to a Social Worker, who should then come and visit your mother. I hope she is claiming disability benefit, as this will help greatly with her rent etc.
Do you believe she might harm herself, or someone else? If so, you may have options.
Does your mother have a current psychiatrist? If she does, please call that psychiatrist right away and let the doctor know that you believe your mother may be a danger to herself or your grandmother. Most states have laws (here in Florida where I am, it’s called the Baker Act) that are set up to protect not only those around a mentally ill person but the person themselves. These laws will allow a person to be observed in a hospital by a mental health professional for up to 72 hours (longer if it is deemed necessary) IF a doctor, police officer, judge, or three family members believe the person is in danger of harming themselves or others.
Your mother may be really angry with you for doing this, in fact I can guarantee she will, however this is the only immediate way you’ll be able to get her the help she needs. Having dealt with a bipolar family member, I can tell you that you will not be able to convince her she has a problem. Once she is released from her stay in hospital, tough love will be required from you, your sister, and your grandmother. This will not be easy, because you love her, and in order for tough love to work, you will have to cut her off if she does not get help. You’ll have to adhere to that and be strict. With my uncle, being cut off from the family (and the food, shelter, and money we provided him) was all that convinced him to get help - and even then he still didn’t think he needed help. The good thing is, by getting help, he came to realize that he did, indeed, have an illness. For the past two years he’s been on medications that have helped regulate his moods. He’s stable now, he has his own place, he has a good job, and he is feeling great.
I wish you the best, sweetie, you have a tough road ahead. Don’t let it get the best of you. I will be thinking of you.
Until you are a parent, yourself, it’s hard to understand why your grandmother would put herself through all these problems for her daughter (your mother). But, as a mother, I can tell you that even though it seems illogical, I would probably do the same to help my own daughter, if I thought she needed it. Your grandmother has her reasons for doing what she’s doing, and though you can’t understand it, just try to give her emotional support while she’s going through it.
As for your mother: you can’t help anyone who doesn’t admit they need it. It is very common for people who have bipolar to “feel fine” and not realize the troubles they are causing for their loved ones. Unfortunately, you can’t “make” her recognize it, either. If she is so bad as to be a danger to herself or others, you can go to court and have her committed to a mental health facility and be appointed as her guardians, so that you can authorize them to force her medication on her, if need be. However, this is a long and difficult process, and she is likely to think you are doing this to be mean to her, rather than help her.
One other thing you can do is arrange to speak with a social worker at your state’s department of services for people with disabilities, or your state’s mental health division - whatever it is likely to be called in your area. The number can be found in the government (blue) pages of your local phone book, and they would be a good resource for telling you what services are available to you and what you need to do to get them. Many states have elder services, too, which may be able to help your grandmother.
I really feel for you and your sister. This is a huge load to bear. I urge you both to get counseling, yourselves, to help you deal with this problem and the issues surrounding it in the healthiest of possible ways.
Hope this helps.
That’s a sad situation with your grandmother especially. To lose one’s home is a devastation. Unfortunately as many have pointed out here, there is not much you can do if your mother refuses to go see a doctor. Still, maybe you should arrange a meeting of you, your sister and grandmother and sit your mother down and express the seriousness of the situation to her. It’s about all you can do.
If she’s severely episodic, you can try for a forced committment. They’re usually short unless she continues to be a threat to herself or others. The purpose would be to get her on meds and hopefully to a state of rationality that might process what you say about her needing meds. If the stay is too short, that won’t happen so the strategy is a bit of a coin toss. Unfortunately, until she recognizes the illness and that she needs meds, there’s probably not a lot you can do. Sorry, it’s an insidious illness that can take over your thinking during episodes, and when you’re feeling normal, denial is too easy.
~bipolar